Many LGBTQ+ folks looking to welcome a child into their family through a biological connection to one or more of the parents likely need additional reproductive “ingredients” not easily accessible in their current relationship(s). That is, many LGBTQ+ families start or expand with the help of sperm and egg donors. 

Once you decide that this is the path for you, you’ll need to consider whether to choose a known or an unknown donor. For some individuals and couples, this is one of the most challenging decisions you will make on your path to parenthood. It will depend on various emotional, legal, financial, and practical details. Use the questions and answers below to help guide your decision-making on this topic.

This is typically the primary place people start at when considering between known and unknown donors.

For families with eggs who need sperm, obtaining sperm from a family member of the partner who is not supplying the egg allows for both parents to have a biological connection to the baby. Similarly, for families with sperm who need eggs, obtaining eggs from a family member of the partner who is not supplying the sperm allows for both parents to have a biological connection to the baby. Sometimes familial egg donors also serve as the traditional surrogate and carry the child to term for their family member.

For some individuals and couples, it’s highly important to maintain this genetic connection. This makes the decision to use a familial donor a simple one.

You’ll also want to consider whether you want your child to know and maintain a relationship to the donor from an early age. If you don’t want your child to maintain a relationship with the donor, then both known and unknown donor options are still up for consideration. That’s assuming you draw up an agreement with a known donor that details this. 

However, if you do want your child to have a relationship with the donor, a known donor is the most obvious path. This is because known donors offer the opportunity for a relationship with the child prior to age 18. 

On the other hand, most cryobanks do offer “identity release” donors. These are donors who are comfortable sharing their contact information with offspring who are 18 years of age or older. However, there is no guarantee that those donors will want a relationship at that point. 

Financial cost is another major factor in the decision-making process.

For families who need sperm, vials of sperm from a cryobank range from $875-$2,500 as of 2026. Keep in mind, though, that most individuals make multiple attempts over several months before becoming pregnant. The totals can add up quickly. That being said, there are no legal fees associated with terminating parental rights for anonymous/unknown donors. If you opt to use a known donor, there are generally no costs for the sperm sample itself. But, you may need to add in fees for collection, storing, and shipping (if the known donor lives far away). You will also need to factor in legal fees to ensure that the parentage of the offspring is clearly defined.

For families who need eggs and a uterus, the average cost of eggs and surrogacy in the US in 2026 ranges from $140,000 to over $200,000. This varies depending on where you live, the type of surrogate you are using, and other factors. The only real way to reduce your costs is to utilize a familial donor to donate the eggs and serve as the traditional surrogate.

A donor will make up 50% of a child’s genetics. So, many parents will want to know as much as possible about a donor’s medical and psychological history.

Because of the extensive amount of information required by cryobanks in order to become a donor, cryobanks actually know more about their donors than the donors may know about themselves! This information is gleaned from the questionnaires and medical tests required to proceed.

Ironically, the information you acquire from a known donor may not be as complete as the information you obtain when choosing an unknown donor.

A surprisingly significant consideration in choosing a known donor is whether or not you’re able to navigate potentially uncomfortable conversations. If you choose a known donor, you will have to first be comfortable asking that donor for their sperm or eggs. This isn’t always an easy conversation to have! After that, you’ll want to ask additional questions to assess the medical health of the donor, their genetics, and more.

These questions may include:

If you’re using a known donor, the best way to protect all parties involved, and to ensure you have asked and addressed all the relevant questions, is to speak both with a physician about medical testing and questions and an attorney knowledgeable in assisted reproduction who can guide you in this process. This protects both you and your donor, and it assures the parentage for any resulting child from birth. If these questions feel too invasive, personal, or uncomfortable to ask, you may prefer that a cryobank take care of ascertaining that information for you. 

The question of how to expand your family and who to involve in that process is a deeply personal one. There are a number of factors to consider while you embark on this journey — from personal desires to finances and everything in between. 

As you make these considerations, remember to be gentle with yourself and all parties involved. You might come across frustration or even sadness when you’re balancing your budget, digging through cryobank databases, or kicking off potentially uncomfortable conversations with donors. In moments like this, it’s best to keep the end result in mind: The family of your dreams is possible, and we’re here to help you get there.