Fertility and Family-Building for LGBTQ+ and Solo Parents: A Conversation with Queer Millennial Midwife, Marea Goodman
The path to LGBTQ+ parenthood can feel like it comes with more questions than answers. How do we know which path to take? When should we start planning? What’s the price of parenthood? How can we get pregnant at home?
To answer these questions and more, Family Equality sat down with Marea Goodman, a queer millennial midwife, founder of PregnantTogether, and the co-author of Baby Making for Everybody: Fertility and Family-Building for LGBTQ+ and Solo Parents. Together, we discussed the winding, glorious LGBTQ+ path to parenthood and answered questions from the audience about cycle tracking, IVF, genetic testing, and finding affirming providers.
Why do you want to be a parent anyway?
The process of building a family can be so dizzying that many don’t know where to start. Marea says that the first step is determining your why.
Reading from their book, Marea says, “We found through both our midwifery practices and our own experiences that during the process of growing a family as LGBTQ+ or solo people, folks can sometimes get bogged down in the details of the how and lose touch with the why.”
One way to look at your “why” is to think about your values. What parts of parenthood are most important to you? What are your driving forces? These priorities can guide you in even the toughest decision-making moments—from how to conceive to choosing a donor and more.
The importance of community
Most people don’t start the process of becoming a parent eager to talk about miscarriage and infertility. But the fact is that the path to parenthood is unpredictable and winding—and if we can’t talk about this grief, it festers.
For LGBTQ+ and solo parents who jump through financial, social, legal, and medical obstacles for our imagined future, this grief can feel even heavier. In the book and throughout our discussion, Marea emphasizes the importance of community to get through these moments.
“One thing that [I] felt during my own conception journey—as a queer midwife who is an ‘expert’ in family-building—is that it’s really isolating, and it’s so easy to feel like you’re the only person in the world who is going through this. Knowing that you’re not alone, it sounds cheesy, but it does really make a difference.”
In addition to sharing community stories throughout Baby Making for Everybody, Marea strives to provide this community through their virtual space, PregnantTogether. Family Equality also hosts a virtual peer support space that meets every other Wednesday.
Finding an affirming provider
So, you’ve figured out your why. You’ve rallied your community of supporters. Now, it’s time to schedule an appointment. But how do we ensure that we’re working with someone who not only understands the unique nuances of LGBTQ+ parenthood but explicitly welcomes us?
Marea offers a few tips:
- Ask around. Remember that community that Marea discussed? This is the time to lean on them! Referrals from friends, Facebook groups, online forums, and other networks can be an invaluable way to find trusted resources in your neighborhood.
- Prepare questions in advance. In Baby Making for Everybody, Marea and their co-author, Ray, provide a list of questions to ask providers to ensure they’re not only LGBTQ+ inclusive but LGBTQ+ competent. These questions include:
- How many LGBTQ+ people have you cared for in your practice?
- How does your care differ when working with solo parents or LGBTQ+ people (versus non-LGBTQ+ people), and how is it the same?
- Have your front desk staff, nurses and other people participating in my care receive training in affirming language and working with solo parents or LGBTQ+ people?
- Remember that you are the “customer.” Says Marea: “Your healthcare provider works for you. You are hiring them. It’s really important that—as much as it’s possible given the constraints of geography and finances—you find someone you actually trust.”
Trying to conceive: Myth-busting
Baby Making for Everybody is an inclusive, comprehensive step-by-step guide for LGBTQ+ people and solo parents to start their family-building journey. With so much misinformation about the trying to conceive (TTC) journey, resources like this one are especially important!
In our Q&A, participants ran Marea through a TTC myth-busting speed-round. Here are some of their answers.
MYTH #1: Basal body temperature is the gold standard of cycle tracking.
REALITY: Yes, taking your temperature when you wake up in the morning is a great way to track where you’re at in your cycle. But it’s not for everybody. Marea acknowledged their own struggle to track their temperature with a toddler and a full schedule as a midwife. They say that with stress, sleep cycles, and instability in routines, the information won’t always been clean and clear. “That is okay,” they note. “It is one piece of useful information.”
There are four main strategies for tracking according to Marea: LH strips, basal body temperature, cervical fluid, and other signs like ovary cramping.
MYTH #2: You must take your temperature the minute you wake up.
REALITY: It is recommended that you take your temperature before you drink water or get up to pee, because that’s your body temperature at full rest. But, if you’re awake for a few minutes, it’s not too late! Further, even if you are the kind of person who wakes up at 5:00 AM one day and sleeps in until 10:00 AM another day, taking your temperature will give you data that could be helpful in the long run. The purpose of this practice is to get a better sense of your body’s patterns.
MYTH #3: If you’re trying to conceive at home using donor sperm, use a menstrual cup or soft disc to keep the sperm inside for longer periods of time.
REALITY: There was a study done decades ago with non-LGBTQ+ couples who used a soft disc after intercourse, and the chance of pregnancy slightly increased. So, it’s not a guarantee, but Marea notes that it’s a low-cost, easy additional tool for people doing at-home inseminations. “It’s not a bad idea,” they say. “It might help.”
MYTH #4: If you can, do two inseminations per cycle.
REALITY: Statistically, this doesn’t significantly change (i.e. double) your chances of getting pregnant. If you’re paying out of pocket for sperm from a bank or coordinating complex logistics with a known donor, you might be better served by just doing one well-timed insemination.
MYTH #5: You must avoid exercise like yoga during your “two week wait” and the first trimester of your pregnancy.
REALITY: During the two weeks between an insemination and a positive pregnancy test (often called the “two week wait”) and in the first trimester of pregnancy, the only thing that should be avoided is heating your internal temperature too much via hot tubs, saunas, and baths. Otherwise, you can do any movements or exercises that feel good in your body that you had already been doing prior to getting pregnant. The only exception is for people who do a medication-assisted cycle. In these situations, it’s best to wait two weeks before doing any intense weight training.
TOGETHER: A Queer Family-Building Conference
At the core of Marea’s work — from their book to their virtual community — is a desire to connect LGBTQ+ people with the information they need to make educated decisions about their families and their bodies. “There are so many barriers that we already face,” they say. “I really believe that we should all have access to this information.”
To that end, Marea and the team at PregnantTogether are hosting a virtual conference on November 4–5, 2025. Over two days, we’ll gather with experts, advocates, and community leaders for workshops, panels, and space to breathe.
From fertility and legal rights to emotional wellness and parenting with pride, TOGETHER brings our community into conversation with people who truly get it. You’ll hear from speakers like Ericka Hart, Trystan Reese, Emily Oster, and more—including many friends of Family Equality— and experience a space to simply be with others on the path. RSVP with Family Equality’s special link to receive $5 off your registration!
