Identifying Affirming Adoption and Foster Care Agencies: A Guide for Prospective LGBTQ+ Parents
A first-step guide for LGBTQI+ prospective foster and adoptive parents.
Beginning the adoption and foster care journey comes with a lot of questions: What’s the first step? Who should you call? How do you even get started?
On top of researching foster care and adoption, comparing agencies online, attending information sessions, and more, LGBTQI+ people also need to think about whether or not the agencies in their area will accept and affirm them. If you’re concerned about how your family structure might influence your adoption and foster care processes or if you had an initial phone call and something felt off, unfortunately, you’re not alone.
The information below is intended to help you determine whether a foster care or adoption agency is ready to respect your family, answer your questions clearly, and support you through the process. Use this as a helpful guide as you go about the research process!
What Does “Affirming” Mean?
An affirming agency does more than encourage or allow LGBTQI+ people to apply to become foster or adoptive parents. An affirming agency shows you in writing and in practice that your family will be treated with respect. That means they maintain clear anti-discrimination policies, a trained staff, inclusive language on paperwork, and a real process for responding when bias happens.
At an affirming agency, LGBTQI+ families are treated as qualified families — not exceptions.
This means that they…
- Welcome LGBTQI+ applicants in writing (such as their website, written materials, applications, promotional materials, etc),
- Use the same standards for LGBTQI+ applicants as it uses for all other applicants,
- Train staff to work competently with LGBTQI+ parents and LGBTQI+ youth,
- Use forms that reflect different family structures as well as pronouns or chosen names,
- Respond directly when discrimination or disrespect happens,
- Understand that LGBTQI+ youth in care need safe and affirming homes,
- Has a clear process for reporting discrimination or disrespect
Because LGBTQ+ people are more likely to foster and adopt than non-LGBTQ+ people — and 1 in 3 youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ+ — it’s imperative that agencies maintain inclusive and affirming practices so that all children can get the care and support they need and deserve.
A Quick Legal Note
Foster care and adoption laws vary by state. Some states have clear discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ prospective foster and adoptive parents, and some do not. Additionally, some states allow agencies or officials to refuse to place or provide services to children and families.
Before you choose an agency, review Family Equality’s LGBTQ+ Foster Care Laws by State guide to understand the landscape of state laws, regulations, and agency policies that may affect LGBTQ+ adults who want to foster and LGBTQ+ youth in care. The guide is not legal advice, local practices and requirements may differ, and laws and policies may change faster than our guide is updated on a given day.
A strong agency should be able to explain how the rules in your state apply to your family, who makes licensing or approval decisions, and what protections exist if you experience discrimination.
Before You Start, Do Your Research
Choosing an agency is one of the first big steps in the foster care or adoption process. It can also get personal fast. You may be asked about your home, your relationships, your support system, your childhood, your finances, your parenting hopes, and your identity. Some of those questions may feel invasive, and some parts of the process are hard. That is not automatically a red flag. Agencies have to ask serious questions because they are making decisions about the safety and well-being of children and youth, and whether a family is ready for the responsibility.
But how an agency asks those questions matters. A strong agency will explain the process, be clear about what information they need, and treat your family with dignity. The process should be careful, not shaming. It should protect children and youth, and it should also protect you from discrimination. For this reason, you should prioritize working with an agency that treats your family with respect from the start.
Before you decide whether an agency is right for you, make sure you understand what part of the process they actually handle. Not every agency does the same thing. One agency may recruit and train families, while another makes licensing or approval decisions. One agency may complete the home study, while another handles matching, placement, or support after a child is placed.
The answer matters. You may start with one agency and then be sent to another agency, worker, or office for a different part of the process. You want to know who has power, who has responsibility, and who will be there when you need support.
Start by asking:
“What parts of the foster care or adoption process does your agency handle?”
Then ask:
“Do you recruit, train, license, approve, complete home studies, match children and families, supervise placements, or provide support after placement?”
Avoid Agencies that Overpromise
Many LGBTQI+ people come to foster care because they want to grow their families. That is real and valid, but it is important to understand that foster care is not the same as adoption.
Foster care is a temporary service provided through the child welfare system to promote safety, permanency, and well-being. Reunification is often the goal when it is safe enough for a child to return home. That may mean a child you love and care for is never available to be adopted by you. That can be hard, especially if you were not prepared for it, and it can also be the right outcome for the child.
Some children in foster care do become legally free for adoption, and some foster parents later adopt. Other children may not want to be adopted, but may still want a lifelong connection with a foster family.
A good agency should explain permanency clearly. Instead of promising you a child, it should explain reunification, legal risk, concurrent planning, adoption from foster care, and post-adoption support.
The Simple Test: Look, Ask, Listen, Save
When you are researching agencies, use four steps.
- Look at what the agency shows publicly.
- Ask direct questions.
- Listen to how they answer.
- Save what they give you in writing.
You are not trying to catch anyone. You are trying to make an informed decision about who you will trust with your family and this process.
Start with what the agency makes public, but do not stop there. In this current climate, some agencies may be affirming in practice while being careful about what they put on their website, social media, or public materials. That caution may come from state or local pressure, hostile policy debates, funding concerns, public complaints, online harassment, or fear that LGBTQI+ language will make the agency, staff, youth, or families a target.
But that does not mean families should be asked to hide, and it does not excuse vague answers. If an agency says less online, it should still be able to answer direct questions about LGBTQI+ parents, LGBTQI+ youth, nondiscrimination policies, staff training, and support. The website is one sign, not the whole answer. What they say when you ask matters too.
(A) They name LGBTQ+ families directly.
Good language sounds like: We welcome LGBTQ+ foster and adoptive parents.
Stronger language sounds like: We welcome applicants of all sexual orientations, gender identities, gender expressions, marital statuses, and family structures.
“All families are welcome” may be a good start. But it is not enough by itself. LGBTQI+ families have often been included in “all” in theory and treated differently in practice.
(B) Their nondiscrimination policy is easy to find.
Look for a written policy that names:
- Sexual orientation,
- Gender identity,
- Gender expression,
- Marital status,
- Family structure.
Also look for protections based on race, religion, disability, national origin, and other identities. LGBTQI+ families are not all the same. A strong policy should reflect that.
(C) Their forms use inclusive language.
Forms should not assume every family has a mother and father. Look for words like:
- Parent,
- Caregiver,
- Applicant,
- Spouse,
- Partner,
- Chosen name.
- Pronouns.
The words that agencies use in their paperwork are key to telling you what they expect a family to look like.
(D) They talk about LGBTQ+ youth in addition to LGBTQ+ adults.
An affirming agency should understand and support LGBTQI+ parents and LGBTQI+ youth alike. Look for signs that the agency trains families to support youth as it relates to names, pronouns, clothing, privacy, school safety, health care, family relationships, and belonging.
(E) They can point to real inclusion work.
Some agencies may advertise that they’ve had LGBTQI+ inclusion training, outside partnerships, staff education, or formal recognition programs. This is a helpful way to identify whether they’ve really invested in creating a safe and affirming agency for families.
But do not stop there.
When you talk to the agencies, ask what changed because of that work. Did they update their forms? Did they train all staff? Did they alter their nondiscrimination policy? Do they have a clear process for responding to bias? A seal, badge, or training certificate can be a good sign, but it doesn’t replace direct answers.
Don’t wait until you are deep in the process to start asking questions. A respectful agency should be able to answer any question you have without making you feel like your family is a problem. Here are some important questions to consider asking:
- Do you work with LGBTQI+ foster and adoptive parents?
- Have you licensed, approved, or supported LGBTQI+ applicants before?
- Does your nondiscrimination policy include sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression?
- Will our sexual orientation, gender identity, marital status, or family structure affect whether we can be licensed, approved, matched, or supported?
- Do LGBTQI+ applicants go through the same process and standards as other applicants?
- Can you send us your nondiscrimination policy in writing?
Ask about the home study
- How are home study workers trained to work with LGBTQI+ applicants?
- What questions are asked of every applicant?
- How do you prevent invasive or inappropriate questions about sexual orientation, gender identity, bodies, relationships, or family history?
- If we are unmarried, single, trans, nonbinary, or not out to everyone in our lives, how will that be handled?
Ask about support after approval
- Who supports us after we are licensed or approved?
- What happens if we experience bias from a caseworker, trainer, foster parent group, provider, attorney, school, or court professional?
- Can we request a different worker if someone is not treating our family respectfully?
- Does the agency offer LGBTQI+ affirming referrals for therapy, medical care, respite, peer support, or family support?
Ask about LGBTQ+ youth
- How do you prepare families to support LGBTQI+ youth?
- How do you handle names and pronouns?
- How do you protect a youth’s privacy and safety?
- What happens if a foster parent rejects or shames a youth because of their sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression?
- How do you assess whether a family is prepared to affirm an LGBTQI+ youth?
Especially if you work with a faith-based agency, it’s important to ask clear and direct questions. Some faith-based agencies are affirming and some are not, but you won’t always be able to tell until you ask!
Use the following sample email language and phone script when researching agencies:
Sample Email Language
Subject: Question about LGBTQ+ foster/adoptive applicants
Hello,
I am beginning to learn more about foster care and adoption, and I am researching agencies in my area.
Before I attend an information session, I wanted to ask a few questions:
- Does your agency work with LGBTQ+ foster or adoptive applicants?
- Does your nondiscrimination policy include sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression?
- Do LGBTQI+ applicants complete the same licensing, approval, or home study process as other applicants?
- How does your agency train staff and families to support LGBTQ+ parents and LGBTQ+ youth?
- What support do you provide after a family is licensed or approved?
Could you please send any written policies or public materials that address these questions?
Thank you,
[SIGN OFF]
Optional if writing as a couple or family: Change “I” to “we” throughout.
Sample Phone Script
“Before we go further, I want to ask directly: I am LGBTQI+. Does your agency license, approve, and support LGBTQI+ foster or adoptive parents?”
Or, if you are calling as a couple or family:
“Before we go further, I want to ask directly: we are an LGBTQ+ family. Does your agency license, approve, and support LGBTQI+ foster or adoptive parents?”
Then pause.
If they say yes, ask:
“Can you tell me what that looks like in practice?”
Good answers are strong and clear:
- Yes, we work with LGBTQ+ families. I can send you our nondiscrimination policy.
- Our forms use parent and caregiver language. If something does not reflect your family, we will correct it.
- Staff receive LGBTQ+ inclusion training (bonus if it is recurring/ongoing).
- We have worked with same-sex couples, single LGBTQ+ applicants, and trans applicants.
- If bias happens, here is the complaint process and here is who handles it.
- We train families to support LGBTQ+ youth.
Weak answers sound vague:
- We welcome everyone, but…
- We follow the law.
- That has never come up before.
- I would have to check if we can work with you.
- Some staff may not be comfortable.
- You may want to call another agency.
- We can work with you as long as you do not bring that up.
One awkward answer may not tell you everything, but a pattern will.
Save and keep records of any of the following important information you may come across during your research/outreach to agencies, including:
- Agency names,
- Staff names,
- Dates of calls,
- Emails,
- Screenshots,
- Policies,
- Notes from information sessions.
This will help you compare agencies, in addition to identifying patterns or holding agencies accountable as you make your decision. Documentation is essential!
If someone tells you something important by phone, follow up by email. An affirming agency should not be bothered by that request. Consider the language below:
“Thank you for speaking with me today. I want to confirm what I understood: your agency works with LGBTQI+ foster and adoptive applicants, and your nondiscrimination policy includes sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. Can you please confirm and send the policy?”
Green Flags, Yellow Flags, Red Flags
The agency:
- Names LGBTQI+ families clearly,
- Has a written nondiscrimination policy,
- Uses inclusive forms,
- Trains staff and foster parents,
- Can describe experience with LGBTQI+ applicants,
- Knows how to support LGBTQI+ youth,
- Has a complaint process,
- Can explain support after placement.
The agency:
- Says “all families” but does not name LGBTQI+ families,
- Has kind staff but unclear policies,
- Has inclusive values but outdated forms,
- Has one affirming staff person but no agency-wide practice,
- Says training is coming but cannot say when,
- Gives verbal reassurance but nothing in writing.
Note: Yellow flags are not always dealbreakers. They are reasons to ask more.
The agency:
- Will not send its nondiscrimination policy,
- Suggests you hide your identity or relationship,
- Uses terms like “lifestyle” or “preference,”
- Asks invasive questions not asked of other applicants,
- Treats LGBTQI+ parents as a risk,
- Has no clear process for reporting bias,
- Does not train families to support LGBTQI+ youth,
- Cannot explain how it would protect your family if discrimination happens,
- Leaves you feeling tolerated instead of respected.
If An Agency Is Not Affirming
If an agency treats you unfairly, write down what happened. Include names, dates, emails, screenshots, and the exact words used when possible. Then ask for the agency’s policy in writing.
You may also want to check your state’s protections, contact your state child welfare agency or licensing office, reach out to an LGBTQI+ legal organization, or look for another agency if you have options.
Family Equality’s LGBTQ+ Foster Care Laws by State guide can help LGBTQI+ parents and parents-to-be understand laws, regulations, and state agency policies that may affect them. The guide is educational, not legal advice, and local practices may differ.
And remember: an agency’s bias is not a measure of your ability to parent.
This information was prepared and distributed by Family Equality, National LGBTQ Task Force Action Fund, and Unicorn Solutions.
