Advocating for Inclusive Schools: Starting the Conversation
Advocating for LGBTQ+ families and youth in the classroom begins with effective communication and preparation. We must engage with school administrators to ensure they understand the need for and importance of creating an inclusive environment for all students. It’s time to break the ice!
Do your research
Often, the first step to creating change is determining areas for improvement. By reviewing your school’s communication and marketing materials, you can better determine where to start the work of creating a more LGBTQ+ inclusive school.
Specifically, explore the school’s…
- Do you see diverse families, including LGBTQ+ families, represented in the images and stories posted on the school’s website and social media?
- Does the school use inclusive language like “families” or “parents” instead of gender-specific terms like “mom” and “dad”?
- Does the school have a comprehensive non-discrimination policy easily accessible on their website?
- Does the school mention diversity, equity, and inclusion in their mission and value statements?
- Does the school celebrate gender-specific events like “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day”?
- Do school newsletters or email announcements celebrate diversity, including different family structures and identities?
- Did the registration forms you receive use gender neutral terms or did they require you to put down a “mother” and a “father”?
- Do teachers and administrators use gender neutral language in their communication (e.g., “Good morning, moms and dads!” versus “Good morning, parents!”)
- Have you received any information about resources specifically for LGBTQ+ parents or other diverse families, such as support groups or informational meetings?
- Are LGBTQ+ topics included in class lessons and resources? For example, does the class read books with LGBTQ+ characters or written by LGBTQ+ authors? Does the section on heredity and genetics review the different kinds of families and the various ways of conception, such as surrogacy, in vitro fertilization (IVF), and egg donation and the impact on heredity and genetics? Is the Health curriculum an abstinence-only curriculum (these kinds of classes rarely discuss LGBTQ+ topics)? Does the class discuss same-sex families in the family section?
Introducing yourself
Whether your initial research suggests that your school is LGBTQ+ friendly or not, Family Equality parents recommend you introduce yourself to school principals and teachers before any issues crop up! Notes a family from Minnesota: “We have found in-person meetings with teacher(s) helpful at the beginning of the school year. Our child’s teacher can put a face to our names, and we feel it helps with relationship-building and connection.”
Establishing relationships with key figures in your child’s school builds trust and empowers educators with the information they need to support you and your family better. One family from Vermont sees these meetings as an opportunity to “start talking about what LGBTQ+ friendly schools look like. We talk about how the teacher can support our child when other students ask (or bully) her about her family.”
Determining who to reach out to
As you research the school, identify key contacts that might be helpful for you to reach out to at the beginning of the year. This can include the principal, vice principals, and school counselors. Most times, the principal is the best person to get the conversation started.
Requesting a meeting
Depending on what you uncovered in your initial research stage, you might want to tailor your initial meeting request based on where your principal or school official is at in their acceptance journey.
Use Family Equality’s email templates to get the conversation started!
Just open the link in your email provider, input the proper contact information, and hit send!
Preparing for the meeting
As you prepare to meet with your school officials, remember…
- Team work makes the dream work. Regardless of what you uncover during your research stages, it’s important to come into these conversations with an open and collaborative attitude. Creating an inclusive environment requires everyone to be on board, and a gesture of goodwill, such as acknowledging any positive steps you’ve already seen from the school, can help foster trust.
- Be firm and clear about what you need. Outline your expectations and your rights. Every student deserves to feel safe, welcomed, and affirmed in the classroom, so don’t be afraid to ask about the supports your child needs to succeed! Even if the school says no, you’ll gain a better understanding of the work ahead of you. One thing that might help as you make your requests is to offer to help. Writes a family from Vermont: “I actually offer to work with the librarian on stocking inclusive books for classrooms. Some years, our library has a budget for new books, and some years, they don’t. I’ve purchased books as a donation, and I’ve advised on what books to purchase.”
- Don’t limit yourself. This is a time to not just talk about LGBTQI+ specific needs, but all of your child and family’s needs, including language accessibility, disability support, and mental health care.
- Take notes. Remember that it’s the school administration’s job to hear you out regardless of the political climate in your state. If the principal, the administration, or educators cite laws or rules as to why they cannot provide certain supports, be sure to note those down. You’re going to want to follow up in writing with what was agreed to and what wasn’t.
To aid you in this conversation, consider writing down or printing out the following questions:
- School policies and support
- How does the school support LGBTQI+ students and families?
- What training do staff receive on LGBTQI+ issues?
- Is there an anti-discrimination policy that explicitly includes sexual orientation and gender identity?
- Curriculum and resources
- How does the school integrate diverse family structures and LGBTQI+ topics into the curriculum?
- Are there resources or support groups for LGBTQI+ students and families?
- School environment and culture
- What steps are taken to ensure a safe and inclusive environment for all students?
- Are there visible signs of support, like posters or events celebrating diversity?
- Communication and engagement
- How are parents and guardians informed about school policies and events related to diversity and inclusion?
- How can LGBTQI+ parents get involved in school activities or advisory councils?
- Handling issues and concerns
- What is the procedure for reporting and addressing incidents of discrimination or bullying?
- How does the school handle privacy concerns, especially regarding students’ and families’ LGBTQI+ identities?
Keep the conversation going
School officials are busy people! In order to keep the momentum going, it’s important to follow up after your meeting. This gives you the opportunity to thank them for meeting and, importantly, document what you discussed for future reference.
To make this step easier, Family Equality has a template for you to use! Just open this link in your email provider, input the proper contact information, and hit send.
Consider continuing the conversation as the year continues. One family from Washington uses Open Houses and parent-teacher conferences to see if any more questions or concerns have popped up.
Check in with your children
Introducing yourself and getting involved in your school community can be immensely helpful in fostering a more inclusive environment for your children. But, don’t forget to check in with them first.
A friend of Family Equality who grew up with LGBTQ+ parents notes the importance of being able to control her own story and decide when and how to “come out” as an LGBTQ+ family at school. She writes, “By middle school, my parents empowered me to come out to teachers as I felt comfortable. They would attend events, sport games, and parent-teacher nights together, but they did not [always] meet with every teacher. I was able to control my own story and decide how to come out. Often, that meant being out and proud before my parents would have usually felt comfortable on their own.”
As you talk to your child about the school year, listen to their concerns, hopes, fears, and wishes and make sure you’re following their lead. What do they need most to succeed and feel safe in their classroom? This should be the guiding force behind your interactions with administrators.
Related resources
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ResourceMarch 28, 2024
Advocating for Inclusive Schools: After Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay and Trans” Legislation
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ResourceAugust 27, 2025
Book Nook: LGBTQ+ Family Books Resource Hub
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ResourceSeptember 11, 2025
Youth Voices: What Young People Say LGBTQ+ Parents Can Do to Support Them in School
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