Advocating for Your Family in the Classroom: Starting the Conversation

Posted September 2024

Advocating for your family

Advocating for LGBTQ+ families and youth in the classroom begins with effective communication and preparation. We must engage with school administrators to ensure they understand the need for and importance of creating an inclusive environment for all students. It’s time to break the ice!

Do your research

Often, the first step to creating change is determining areas for improvement. By reviewing your school’s communication and marketing materials, you can better determine where to start the work of creating a more LGBTQ+ inclusive school.

Specifically, explore the school’s…

Do you see diverse families, including LGBTQ+ families, represented in the images and stories posted on the school’s website and social media?

Does the school use inclusive language like “families” or “parents” instead of gender-specific terms like “mom” and “dad”?

Does the school have a comprehensive non-discrimination policy easily accessible on their website?

Does the school mention diversity, equity, and inclusion in their mission and value statements?

Does the school celebrate gender-specific events like “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day”?

Do school newsletters or email announcements celebrate diversity, including different family structures and identities?

Did the registration forms you receive use gender neural terms or did they require you to put down a “mother” and a “father”?

Do teachers and administrators use gender neutral language in their communication (e.g., “Good morning, moms and dads!” versus “Good morning, parents!”)

Have you received any information about resources specifically for LGBTQ+ parents or other diverse families, such as support groups or informational meetings?

Are LGBTQ+ topics included in class lessons and resources (e.g., Does the class read books with LGBTQ+ characters or written by LGBTQ+ authors?)?

Introducing yourself

Whether your initial research suggests that your school is LGBTQ+ friendly or not, Family Equality parents recommend you introduce yourself to school principals and teachers before any issues crop up! Establishing relationships with key figures in your child’s school builds trust and empowers educators with the information they need to support you and your family better.

Determining who to reach out to

As you research the school, identify key contacts that might be helpful for you to reach out to at the beginning of the year. This can include the principal, vice principals, and school counselors. Most times, the principal is the best person to get the conversation started.

Requesting a meeting

Depending on what you uncovered in your initial research stage, you might want to tailor your initial meeting request based on where your principal or school official is at in their acceptance journey.

Use Family Equality’s email templates to get the conversation started!

Just open the link in your email provider, input the proper contact information, and hit send!

Preparing for the meeting

As you prepare to meet with your school officials, remember…

Team work makes the dream work. Regardless of what you uncover during your research stages, it’s important to come into these conversations with an open and collaborative attitude. Creating an inclusive environment requires everyone to be on board, and a gesture of goodwill, such as acknowledging any positive steps you’ve already seen from the school, can help foster trust.

Be firm and clear about what you need. Outline your expectations and your rights. Every student deserves to feel safe, welcomed, and affirmed in the classroom, so don’t be afraid to ask about the supports your child needs to succeed! Even if the school says no, you’ll gain a better understanding of the work ahead of you.

Don’t limit yourself. This is a time to not just talk about LGBTQI+ specific needs, but all of your child and family’s needs, including language accessibility, disability support, and mental health care.

Take notes. Remember that it’s the school administration’s job to hear you out regardless of the political climate in your state. If the principal, the administration, or educators cite laws or rules as to why they cannot provide certain supports, be sure to note those down. You’re going to want to follow up in writing with what was agreed to and what wasn’t.

To aid you in this conversation, consider writing down or printing out the following questions:

How does the school support LGBTQI+ students and families?

What training do staff receive on LGBTQI+ issues?

Is there an anti-discrimination policy that explicitly includes sexual orientation and gender identity?

How does the school integrate diverse family structures and LGBTQI+ topics into the curriculum?

Are there resources or support groups for LGBTQI+ students and families?

What steps are taken to ensure a safe and inclusive environment for all students?
Are there visible signs of support, like posters or events celebrating diversity?

How are parents and guardians informed about school policies and events related to diversity and inclusion?
How can LGBTQI+ parents get involved in school activities or advisory councils?

What is the procedure for reporting and addressing incidents of discrimination or bullying?
How does the school handle privacy concerns, especially regarding students’ and families’ LGBTQI+ identities?

Keep the conversation going

School officials are busy people! In order to keep the momentum going, it’s important to follow up after your meeting. This gives you the opportunity to thank them for meeting and, importantly, document what you discussed for future reference.

To make this step easier, Family Equality has a template for you to use! Just open this link in your email provider, input the proper contact information, and hit send.

Check in with your children

Introducing yourself and getting involved in your school community can be immensely helpful in fostering a more inclusive environment for your children. But, don’t forget to check in with them first.

A friend of Family Equality who grew up with LGBTQ+ parents notes the importance of being able to control her own story and decide when and how to “come out” as an LGBTQ+ family at school.

As you talk to your child about the school year, listen to their concerns, hopes, fears, and wishes and make sure you’re following their lead. What do they need most to succeed and feel safe in their classroom? This should be the guiding force behind your interactions with administrators.

Nikhil Vashee (They/Them)

Director of Education Law and Policy, Senior Policy Counsel

Nikhil Vashee (they/them) is currently the Director of Education Law and Policy, Senior Policy Counsel for Family Equality. In this role, they promote policy solutions at the local, state, and federal levels to ensure LGBTQ+ families’ access to quality education in a supportive environment. They also oversee litigation, amicus curiae briefs, and other legal efforts to combat discrimination against LGBTQ+ families in education.

This information was prepared and distributed by Family Equality.

info@familyequality.org | www.familyequality.org

Family Equality exists to create a world where everyone can experience the unconditional love, safety, and belonging of family. Our mission is to ensure that everyone has the freedom to find, form, and sustain their families by advancing equality for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) community.

Advocating for Your Family in the Classroom: Starting the Conversation