What is it like to survive — and thrive — as a young trans person in America today? On Transgender Day of Visibility (TDoV), Family Equality sat down with the award-winning author Nico Lang and Mara, a mother featured in their national bestseller and 2025 Stonewall Book Award honoree, American Teenager: How Trans Kids Are Surviving Hate and Finding Joy in a Turbulent Era. Together, we discussed what it’s actually like growing up trans and raising trans youth today — and the role authentic storytelling plays in the movement for a brighter future.
Creating space for boredom, nuance, and authenticity
For a year, journalist Nico Lang traveled across the country to meet and profile eight young trans people and their families. What followed were a series of family dinners, movie marathons, ballet classes, and K-pop spiels. Nico’s mission was to present the stories of trans youth with a depth that was often missing in mainstream media.
In our conversation, Nico recalls an article they wrote about a transgender football player in South Dakota. Over the course of their interview, Nico learned that they both shared a passionate love for the UK-based shoegaze band, Slow Dive. “It just really killed me that [my article couldn’t be], ‘Trans Boy in South Dakota Likes Slow Dive.’ It had to be ‘Trans Boy Fights Discrimination’…It’s got to be about the sad, horrible thing that’s going on. It can’t just be them living their lives.”
As Nico points out in American Teenager, LGBTQ+ narratives usually vacillate between doomed tragedy and overwhelming joy. But, telling these stories with the authenticity they deserve means acknowledging that there’s more nuance to life.
“Some people on Goodreads have commented that they found the book boring, and it’s like…Good!” says Nico. “That’s great, actually, because sometimes trans kids are boring, and I want to create more space in the canon for boring trans kids. I mean, they’re exciting and lovely and funny and all these things, but they’re just people. Just like the rest of us. And I just feel like we never get to talk about that, and they never get to show us that.”
“Sometimes you’re experiencing both at the same time,” they add. “Sometimes, you need joy to get you through trauma.”
Parenting trans youth
Documenting this nuance—and the sometimes-joyful, sometimes-painful reality of daily life—meant also telling the stories of family members touched by the young people featured throughout American Teenager.
“I wanted [parents] to know that they could go on the journey. I wanted them to know that it was possible for them. It just feels like so much pressure. I feel like we put so much pressure on parents, and parents end up putting so much pressure on themselves…So, for those parents who are just worried about making all the right decisions or doing everything correctly, I just wanted to show them it’s possible. I just want to send that message of hope that, as Mara said—I think really beautifully—you can learn. All of us can learn…I just think we’ve all got to listen, because you can’t learn if you can’t listen.”
When asked what advice she would give to other parents, Mara repeats Nico’s emphasis on the importance of learning and listening. She says, “You have to accept the truth. Accept the fact that this is what’s happening, and you have to be there for your child. I mean, there’s no other way… At the beginning, it was really hard for me because it’s something different, and it was going to be a harder life for him. That’s what breaks my heart every day. But I would tell other parents, just be there for your kid and try to learn. Get as much information as you can.”
The Ripple Effect of Storytelling
Since its publication in October 2024, American Teenager has become a national best-seller and is a 2025 Stonewall Book Award honoree. Despite the book’s warm reception, Mara acknowledges the fear that came with sharing her family’s story. In fact, when Nico first contacted Mara and her son for an article in 2022, they asked to use pseudonyms to protect their anonymity.
“It can be scary,” says Mara. “We live in Alabama, so a lot of people don’t understand it.”
But she recognizes the value that comes with facing that fear head-on. “If we touch one life, that’s enough. I mean, it’s great if we touch a thousand lives. Even better…I think if the word gets out more, and people get to meet trans kids as they are, they’re going to see we’re not evil. We’re not doing anything bad. At the end of the day, it’s [just about] who we love and what we want to look like. What does it matter if we’re not harming anybody?”
Nico, whose writing credits include major outlets like The Rolling Stone and The New York Times, discovered a new power to storytelling in writing this book: The power to heal. “I tried to kind of hint a little bit at this in the book, but we were doing in-depth therapy essentially. Like…We would sit down for an hour and a half, and we were talking about everything. We’re talking about the good things, the bad things, the in-between things. It showed me that the kind of work that I do can be a gift to people who really need this and really need someone to process it with.”
American Teenager: How Trans Kids Are Surviving Hate and Finding Joy in a Turbulent Era is available to purchase! Find a copy at your local bookstore today.
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