LGBTQ+ parent and advocate, Tonya Agnew, shares her reflections as part of Family Equality’s Letters from Home campaign.
Dear Indiana,
You have been my home for nearly 30 years. I didn’t grow up here, but this is where I built my life, my family, and my community. I moved here from Ohio after a divorce, bringing my toddler with me to finish my degree at Purdue University. I met my wife here. We raised our two kids in the same house we’ve called home since 2003. We have spent years showing up for this community — volunteering in schools, coaching sports, hosting pasta dinners for the cross country team, and cheering from the stands (and the cross country course and the audience) at cross country meets, track meets, swim meets, and show choir competitions. Indiana is our home in every sense of the word.
It’s where so many of our friends are. It’s where we run into familiar faces at the grocery store. It’s where the coffee shop owner knows our order and where we can text our local state representative when we have a concern. It’s where I’m on the board for the local community theater. It’s where my wife spent nearly all of her formative years. It’s where our eldest, after serving in the Marine Corps, chose to return with his wife. It’s where our youngest is studying at a state university. It’s where we’ve built a life, a family, and a future.
And yet, Indiana, you’re making us feel like we don’t belong.
The rhetoric and legislation coming out of the Indiana Statehouse send a clear message: LGBTQ+ people aren’t welcome here.
Bills including:
- HB132 which unfairly targets and criminalizes transgender individuals by making it a misdemeanor for them to use a bathroom consistent with their gender identity.
- SB 289 / SB 235 which seek to eliminate diversity, equity, and inclusion programs from state agencies and public higher education institutions.
- HB 1041 which seeks to prohibit transgender women from participating in women’s sports at public and private colleges
- And SB 441 which seeks to void birth certificates which have been changed from the originally noted sex and forced to revert back to the original birth certificate.
Even the bills that don’t directly impact my family still harm the many people who have made this place our “home,” contributing to a larger effort to push people like us and others to the margins. To erase us. To make us feel unsafe.
We shouldn’t have to leave our home to feel safe.
And don’t get me started on our Attorney General. He launched a so called “Eyes on Education” reporting portal for anyone who comes across “real examples of indoctrination” including a recent submission of a photo of a middle school hallway with a pride flag stating “You are welcome here.” The Attorney General’s unmistakable stance is that we are in fact NOT welcome here.
My wife and I are looking ahead to the next chapter of our lives. Our kids are grown. Soon, we’ll be empty nesters. We should be thinking about what’s next — traveling, downsizing, enjoying the life we’ve built. But instead, we’re asking ourselves a heartbreaking question: Do we have to leave the home and community we love just to feel protected?
If we do leave, it won’t be because we want to. It will be because we need to. We’ll go somewhere that makes us feel like treasured community members, not an “issue” to be debated at the Statehouse. Somewhere our rights aren’t up for debate. Somewhere we can move forward in life feeling safe, not on edge and worried.
But we don’t want to leave.
Indiana, we love you. We’ve given so much to this place, and it has given us so much in return. But love is a two-way street. We need to know that this state — our home — will stand up for us. That our family, and many other families like ours, have a place here. That we belong.
Because we do. We belong.
To my fellow Hoosiers
(Apologies to my fellow Purdue University alums for the use of “Hoosiers”, but IYKYK 
)
You are not alone. If you’re feeling the weight of these challenges and asking the same questions, I see you. And I know that when we come together, we are powerful. Those in positions of authority must understand that we will not stand for hate in our state.
Here are four simple ways you can support the LGBTQ+ community in Indiana and beyond:
- Stay Connected: Follow local social justice organizations like the ACLU of Indiana and LGBTQ+ community centers near you. Check out the centers listed on CenterLink’s website — and know there are more out there!
- Take Action: Support organizations like Family Equality that are fighting for LGBTQ+ rights at every level of government. Get involved: volunteer, donate, or amplify their work by resharing resources, information, and events.
- Speak Up: Have real conversations with your neighbors, coworkers, friends, and lawmakers. Make sure they understand what’s at stake and how elections and legislation directly impact LGBTQ+ families.
- Share Your Story: Add your voice to the fight! Write YOUR story as part of Family Equality’s Letters from Home campaign to help show why equality matters.
The Indiana state motto is “The Crossroads of America.” Let’s make sure the roads lead to equality — and not an exit out of here.
Tonya Agnew (she/her)
Proud lesbian mom of two, devoted wife, dedicated LGBTQ+ advocate, and conflicted Indiana resident
In her present role, she oversees Family Equality’s marketing, communications and media strategies, public relations, social media, websites, and digital communications. She manages a small but mighty team of talented communications and marketing professionals who support Family Equality’s mission through storytelling, media placements, brand management, and building relationships.
She has a degree in Visual Communication Design from Purdue University. Prior to joining Family Equality, she served in communications and marketing leadership roles in higher education, public transportation, and health care.
LGBTQ+ advocacy has been woven into Tonya’s professional and personal life for many years. Tonya and her wife, together since 1998, have raised two sons in their little corner of the world, all while advocating for LGBTQ+ families along the way.
NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this letter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Family Equality. This letter is written from a personal perspective and is not an official statement from the organization. Any references to Family Equality are for context only and should not be interpreted as an endorsement or representation of the organization’s views.