LGBTQ+ movement icon, Denise Brogan-Kator, shares her reflections as part of our Letters from Home campaign.
There is so much going on right now, making it difficult to know how to fight back or even how to survive, much less thrive. LGBTQIA+ people around the country, and especially those of us who are transgender, are understandably frightened and angry. Among the many terrible things President Trump has done in the first few weeks of his Administration, he and his minions have targeted the most marginalized among us; they are doing everything in their power to erase the existence of transgender people from the government, the military, and even society. They are attempting to dismantle every right and protection that the LGBTQIA+ community has fought for and achieved since before the first Obama administration.
We got a preview of this during Trump’s first presidency. At that time, I was the Chief Policy Officer for Family Equality and wrote a piece about being angry, titled We Won’t Be Erased. I had seen so many people do such good work to move us forward over the years, and I knew that more people were stepping up to join us and continue the fight. However, it was also because each of us just by being who we are and living our lives was changing hearts and minds, and still are. We are changing the world in ways we cannot predict or even imagine.
Since I wrote that, people I have known for many years have continued to contact me, and because of them, I remain convinced that, just by being out and sharing our stories, we are continuing to make a positive impact on the world.
Before I went to law school, I was the Chief Financial Officer at a software company in Florida. I had previously lost two jobs because of being transgender; when I interviewed at the software company, I came out to the owner as transgender before he hired me and was eventually out to my coworkers.
A woman I worked with, Hillary, was in the customer support side of our company and was then, and is still, a registered Republican. We were friendly if not close friends. A few years ago, Hillary contacted me to talk about her nephew who had recently come out as transgender. She wanted me to know that, because she knew me, she was able to support him as he came out and, later, transitioned. She said to me, “You do a lot of stuff that you see, but you have an effect on so very much more that you don’t [see]. I know that had you not been there, he might very well have been a sad statistic.”
We each make a difference just by being who we are, openly and authentically.
Another coworker, Bill, was the Controller for the company. He, too, was an avowed Republican. He and I worked many late nights together as we helped to build the company and had lots of conversations about my being transgender. This past November, he reached out to me to let me know that his adult son was distraught about the results of the election and the impacts it may have on his friends who were transgender in the military. He accused his father of being ultra-conservative and suggested that he probably didn’t even know what “transgender” meant. Bill told his son about me and sent him a link to my Google results. Shortly thereafter, his son came out to him as transgender himself. Bill called me and we talked about how best he could support him. During the conversation Bill said, “You know, I credit you with my not being some right-wing nutcase.” (his words, not mine).
Another person, someone I went to law school with, contacted me very recently to express her support and disgust with the current political climate. She made it a point to say that her experience with me, as a trans person, not only made her an impassioned ally but also made allies out of the people she knew and talked to about me.
I tell you about these interactions not to lift myself as anyone special, but because these stories illustrate what I think is a profoundly important point at this time: we each make a difference just by being who we are, openly and authentically. By doing so, we stand as beacons in the darkness, for our family and friends, and their families and friends. We are helping people to see that we are not “the other,” to be shunned and erased. We are part of the human family, just as worthy of love and respect.
We are part of the human family, just as worthy of love and respect.
In that earlier blog post, I talked about many transgender people, who through their visibility and activism, were making a difference in the world. I mentioned Sarah McBride in that post, without knowing she would one day be our first openly transgender Member of Congress. But she is. She has to put up with a lot of BS (as we all do), but she is living proof that no amount of transphobia, no Executive Order—or even law of Congress—can erase who we are or the impacts we’ve made and will continue to make.
Make no mistake; I’m not a Pollyanna here—this Administration’s “hate for hate’s sake” policies will cost lives. They will hurt families, communities, and the nation as a whole. Our youth are especially vulnerable. They will need lots of encouragement and visible role models, so they know they are not alone. They are valued and loved. But I AM confident that, despite the forces arrayed against us, our continued presence—and persistence—will eventually turn the tide.
You don’t have to do everything to make a difference, but you can do something.
So, take heart as we form the resistance and fight against division and hate. Don’t forget that our LGBTQIA+ families—and each of us in them—are bright lights during these tough times. We touch lives simply by being ourselves, and over the decades, we’ve touched millions of lives. Don’t give up.
You don’t have to do everything to make a difference, but you can do something. Pick an issue, even a local one, and push back. Call your elected officials—daily—and register your concerns. Donate money to nonprofits that are fighting the good fight. And, most importantly, stay visible and authentic and share your stories.
You are the resistance, and you are making a difference, even as this hateful regime tries to erase our gains. I am confident that, in the end, we will prevail.
Denise Brogan-Kator (she/her)
Chief Policy Officer, Emeritus; Of Counsel
Brogan-Kator also co-founded a national organization focused on outreach, education, and timely intervention on behalf of its transgender membership. She is a past President and Board Chair for Michigan’s state-wide advocacy organization, Equality Michigan, and a former Executive Director (where she was the nation’s first full-time openly transgender leader of a statewide LGBTQIA+ rights and advocacy organization). She has appeared on national television (C-SPAN, 20/20, and the Discovery Channel’s Transgender Revolution). She has worked with members of the U.S. Congress from around the country, advocating for the LGBTQIA+ community.
Since retiring to enjoy time with her family and friends, Brogan-Kator continues to advocate for equal treatment, including economic security, employment, housing, and familial recognition of all families, particularly LGBTQIA+ families.