Center in NYC, was honored with the first ever Hostetter-Habib
Family Award at the 4th Annual Night at
the Tavern for her leadership in working for LGBT
families. For those who could not see her accept the award in
person, we’ve posted the entire transcript of her moving speech
about her work and being an LGBT parent here.
Click on more to read the complete transript of her moving speech.
Meanwhile, here’s an excerpt where she talks about why she loves
what she does…
When people ask why I’m still doing this particular kind of
work after so long, I tell them, because it is so endlessly
interesting. And we are – really, really interesting! The way
we assemble and announce our families, the fierce determination to
clamber over whatever barriers — subtle and not-so-subtle — there
are to bringing children into our lives, the struggles we have
figuring out how share the role of mother or father, the creative
ways we advocate for our kids, the fight for relationship
recognition (whatever our relationships may be), the miseries and
successful resolutions of our break-ups, the networks and rituals
we create, all the worry and all the rewards – it has been
a blast and an inspiration to witness how we roll, how we, as a
community, are contributing to the evolution of family theory, of
family sociology, to the popular understanding of family
variation and what a family can be. How could I not love this
work? Thanks so very, very much, Alex and
Mark. The fact that this comes from you guys makes this award
even more significant to me. I also want to particularly thank
Mark Corporon, who has been a wonderfully supportive buddy to me
through the preparation for tonight.
This is a real career high for me -Center Kids, our family
program at the LGBT Community Center, has received some awards
through the years (we’re celebrating our 20th
anniversary on May 31st , and I hope you’ll join us for
brunch that day!). But to be honored personally – I’m not gonna
deny it – it feels good! And when they told me they were “sending
a car” – I really almost died – I mean, that’s a phrase we
community organizers seldom get to hear!
I’m thinking of a photograph I saw years ago. It was a picture
of a mother, with many children holding on to her, and the caption
read, “She contains multitudes.”I feel a little like that mother
tonight. For twenty years, since my beloved son Ned was born, I’ve
been lucky enough to have the luxury of working with, and listening
to, other LGBT parents on a daily basis. Their voices – their
“issues,” concerns, and passions are contained in me always –
they’ve taught me – you’ve taught me! – everything. You’ve inspired
me and kept me company in this work to a degree I can’t possibly
describe.
When people ask why I’m still doing this particular kind of
work after so long, I tell them, because it is so endlessly
interesting. And we are – really, really interesting! The way
we assemble and announce our families, the fierce determination to
clamber over whatever barriers — subtle and not-so-subtle — there
are to bringing children into our lives, the struggles we have
figuring out how share the role of mother or father, the creative
ways we advocate for our kids, the fight for relationship
recognition (whatever our relationships may be), the miseries and
successful resolutions of our break-ups, the networks and rituals
we create, all the worry and all the rewards – it has been a blast
and an inspiration to witness how we roll, how we, as a community,
are contributing to the evolution of family theory, of family
sociology, to the popular understanding of family variation and
what a family can be. How could I not love this work?
There is so much exciting work yet to be done. We need to
look harder at assisted reproductive technologies, not only
all they’ve done for us, but at the larger ethical and social
justice implications and responsibilities we touch upon when we
access them. We need much more research on our families,
an effort Family Equality
Council has taken up with substance and long-term commitment
(especially with the support of folks like Jamie Marks, who is
determinedly moving that ball down the field). We need to work
together, along with other community groups, to push hard for
comprehensive universal health care – for a service delivery
system that takes care of all of us regardless of marital status,
sexual practice, gender identity, or economic or citizenship
status. We need to do more in the foster care system, not
only to improve access and services for LGBT prospective parents
and for youth in care (LGBT and otherwise), but also to support
women, many lesbian-identified, who have lost their children to the
system and seek to reunite with them (often, here in New York
State, thanks to our draconian Rockefeller drug laws — good-bye
and good riddance!). We need to help those of us going through
“divorce” (in quotes, or not), and seek better ways to keep our
children’s best interests in mind through the process, through new
approaches such as collaborative law. We need to question
our own anxiety over gender nonconformity, to better understand and
support the genderqueer parents and parents-to-be among
us. Of course we need to support and celebrate the inevitable
victory of the same-sex marriage fight – and look beyond
that particular fight to creating new systems and structures and
law to support our families in all their variety, not only the
married ones. And then, when all that’s done, there are always
the schools – that never-ending work to make them all
welcoming and safe. We’ve made so little progress there.
But astounding progress has been made. Another benefit of
staying in this movement over the long haul is that you actually
get to see that old arc of history bend toward justice! But our
most notable achievement, I think, is that we’ve raised a
generation-plus of really decent kids. One of them is mine. With
all my heart, I wish he were here tonight (he’s studying marine
biology in Florida) because he deserves this more than I do. It is
his generosity of spirit that allowed me my activism on behalf of
other families – the countless late work nights while he was home
alone, the weekends of forced participation in marches, rallies,
tabling, and face-painting, my public face and professional homo
identity that outed him whether he was ready or not. My late
partner Rosemary and I get no real credit for him – his core
decency and centeredness are his creation alone, and I adore
him.
I also want to thank my friends who are here for me tonight –
with my son away in college and my relatives in Colorado, their
presence here, and in my life in general, anchors and comforts
me.
I want to thank Family Equality Council – formerly Family Pride
Coalition, formerly Gay and Lesbian Parent Coalition International
– I’ve appreciated them in all their incarnations! – for this
honor. There’s a new dynamism in Family Equality under Jenn
Crisler’s leadership. I was lucky to be included as part of their
Catalyst committee – their strategic planning process – so I’ve had
a “sneak preview” of their long-range plans, and they’re inspiring
and exciting. Jenn and her team have been accessible and engaging
work partners, and I look forward to our ongoing partnership, to
putting our “queer shoulders to the wheel” together, to paraphrase
Allen Ginsberg, in the years to come.
Again, thank you so much, for all the inspiration, and for this
award.