sex and parenting: can they coexist?

We’re thrilled to bring the third in a series of guest posts
by Stacey Harris. Stacey writes Evolved Moms, a
blog for gay and lesbian parents – with a weekly advice section,
tons of humor and occasional rants. She and her wife Jessie are the
owners of Family
– an online store for gay families and Promotion Evolutions an
alternative promotional company. The advice given does not
necessarily reflect the views of the Family Equality

Dear Evolved Moms: When our kids were little, other than
being too tired, or having a baby in the bed with us, I had no
worries about sex. But now that they are able to get around and
understand the world a bit, I am constantly worried about them
walking in on us, peeking in out of curiosity, and understanding
what we are doing. Thinking about the kids is definitely putting a
damper on things. Any advice? Love, two dads who love each other
and want to love MORE!

Dear Love Dads, I hear ya! Kids can complicate things in the
bedroom that’s for sure! Once the kids are out of your bed and
you are feeling rested we all want to heat things up again in the
bedroom! Worrying about what will happen to the kids if the see,
hear or even thinking about kids can kill a mood for sure!

Friends of mine – two dads – told me this story recently. Their
boys were in bed and they were…greatly enjoying each other in the
middle of the night, when one of their twins opened the door and
walked in.

Daddy A flew off the bed and crashed onto the floor full force.
Daddy B buried himself under the covers

“What’s papa doing on the floor daddy?”
“I am looking for shoes son”
(try to hear this in a thick southern accent – so much funnier
and just how they sounded!)
“you need them now?”
“Yes son, I need them right now”
“okay, can I have some water?”
“Sure son, as soon as I get the right pair of shows for tomorrow
I’ll be right there”

Child was fine. Daddies laughed forever, and finished with each
other after, a little boy was back in bed, and all three had a
glass of much needed water.

Parenting does complicate sex
But it certainly does not end things
Like all aspects of parenting – sex needs to change a bit

Sneaking becomes more fun
An occasional sick day where you are both suddenly home is greatly
Date nights
Heavily enforced nap/quiet times have been known to work for quick
Don’t forget play dates!
Make it fun
Be inventive
I know it might not be fun to be more quiet
less crazy at certain times
or to have to plan a bit more
But just think of what you might be able to create with a bit of

Kids won’t break or be permanently damaged by some strange
or the fact that you are suddenly locking the door
or having some date nights
or giggling and having inside jokes
You are still there if they need you – always
But dammit right now – your husband needs you!!
Both can easily exist
And must
So relax
Get creative
And enjoy each other boys!!

Evolved Mom Stacey