advice: gender identity and children

We’re thrilled to bring the first of many guest posts by Stacey
Harris. Stacey writes Evolved Moms, a
blog for gay and lesbian parents – with a weekly advice section,
tons of humor and occasional rants. She and her wife Jessie are the
owners of Family
– an online store for gay families and Promotion Evolutions an
alternative promotional company. The advice given does not
necessarily reflect the views of the Family Equality

Dear Evolved Moms:

I was not sure who could help me. I am so freaked out. I am
a straight mom (with a husband and three daughters – and one son –
hope I can post here). My son, who is 10, keeps telling me he does
not want to have a penis. He pee’s sitting down and seems extremely
quiet. My husband is devastated and does not want me to talk about
it. What does this all mean? Is he gay? Does he want to be a girl?
What should I do? -Patricia

Dear Patricia,

Of course you can post here! I am so glad you found us! All are

Okay – so here is what I think.

Many things might be happening here
or nothing at all
1) In a house of 3 sisters and a mom
even with a dad
your son might just want to be like you and your daughters
a compliment
I am sure you are all his heroes
2) Lets face it
most men really do not speak much
about sexuality
their anatomy
or share their feelings about these things – even with their
maybe he needs some hearts to hearts with dad about loving
and what guys are all about
3) Around this age
the penis begins to act up
saluting when you least want it
odd dreams and feelings
Clearly I am no expert
but I am sure it is quite embarrassing
and hard to control
Maybe a big embarrassing moment took place?
Boys in the locker room
or a first encounter
an erection at the chalk board?
4) Maybe he is have some gender questioning
but clearly you are a loving mom
if he is – talk to him
make sure dad listens and supports too
Find some great books, a therapist – for you guys to sort out your
has this been a long term issue or just this week?
I’d love to hear more
5) best news – he is telling you how he feels
so clearly you are in
and he trusts you
so talk to him
gay straight
boy girl
rich poor
lawyer or juggler
you will love him
your job is to support him
and assist him in his life
I know you will be amazing
because you took the time to listen to him
and reach out
please stay in touch

Evolved Mom – Stacey