angry mother defends gay son

The following letter has been circulating in a few LGBTQ
listservs and we thought it appropriate to share with our blog
readers. It’s written by the mother of a gay child in Vermont, in
response to a letter to the editor.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the
homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I’ve
taken enough from you good people. I’m tired of your foolish
rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that
accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with
children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of
the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little
thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the
first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade
straight through high school because he was perceived to be

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything
gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like
the other boys. He was called “fag” incessantly, starting when he
was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age
should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and
redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My
sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that
he just couldn’t bear to continue living any longer, that he didn’t
want to be gay and that he couldn’t face a life without

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and
children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear
apart families and drive children to despair. I don’t know why my
son is gay, but I do know that God didn’t put him, and millions
like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you
brains so that you could think, and it’s about time you started
doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this
could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture
out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it
can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won’t get
to choose.  Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs
during a critical time of fetal development, I don’t know. I can
only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you’d best come up with
something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did
nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would
be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality
was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It
is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change
it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple
choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be
changed by a 10-step program, I’m puzzled. Are you saying that your
own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have
chosen, that you could change it at will? If that’s not the case,
then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been
infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in
Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I’ll
thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for “true

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the
battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn’t give
their lives so that the “homosexual agenda” could tear down the
principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in
some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and
awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to
live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles,
that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best
friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end,
and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn’t the
measure of the man.

You religious folk just can’t bear the thought that as my son
emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find
a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends
your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that
companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to
benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the
very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of
marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be
thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people
who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged
majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 ’05 Valley
News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about “those of
us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious
upbringing” asks: “What ever happened to the idea of striving . . .
to be better human beings than we are?”

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?