Every family has a story, and in the face of rising challenges, sharing those stories is an act of resilience. The following story, from the Brians family in North Carolina, is shared as part of our Letters from Home campaign, which is meant to show the world that LGBTQ+ families are loving, strong, and a part of every community.
The first steps to parenthood
After 5 years together, my husband and I began to get the itch to start a family. We had several paths we knew we could take. Mine involved a lot of barstools and travel, and his included five children and happily ever after. We ended up with a compromise: Maybe two kids and a promise to keep having fun.
Our surrogacy journey was anything but easy. After experiencing a miscarriage then a failed attempt with our first surrogate, we were exhausted and quickly realized this was harder than we thought. So, we enrolled as foster parents and started looking into adoption. Then, my husband’s dear childhood friend — a nurse and mother of four — told us to keep trying. The next attempt brought an ectopic pregnancy, but with lucky try number four came our sweet daughter. Now, we know it was meant to be. It happened when it was supposed to happen.
Carrying the weight of the world
We wanted to try again immediately, but the entire process took a toll on us. The COVID-19 pandemic hit a few months after our daughter’s birth, and I got swept up in drinking and past traumas. On her first birthday, I realized if I wanted to be any kind of parent to her, I needed to quit. At the same time, we were navigating the challenges of living in a very red county in Florida as Governor DeSantis levied attacks against our community and families.
It was clear then that my sobriety, our family’s mental health, and the safety of our daughter demanded that we move. While it was a hard decision, we ultimately sold everything we had and moved to Black Mountain, North Carolina—a spot just outside of Asheville and about as far north as us native Ohioans would allow. We also were in the middle of another surrogacy journey, one that felt just as challenging as the first. After a hard talk with our doctor, we realized we had two embryos left and our new surrogate was most likely unable to get pregnant.
Taking a chance and living our dream
So, we rolled the dice, took out a bunch of loans, connected with a surrogacy coordinator, and found a new surrogate who was from Ohio, married to a trans man, and raising five children between them. It wasn’t easy—and Hurricane Helene almost stopped us from being able to afford the transfer—but we found a way, and just like the first time, transfer number four proved lucky.
We’re only sixteen weeks into this new pregnancy journey, but we’re beginning to allow ourselves to feel hopeful for what’s ahead. We’re living our dream. We have a small farm with mini ponies, goats, ducks and chickens and two cabins where we host guests. I’m just passing four years of sobriety, and our daughter is now five years old and thriving in an accepting and inclusive community. Like most parents, her dads are doing everything possible to build a life centered around community and love.
From natural disasters to political turmoil, we’ve survived a lot of storms. But we believe in the power of banding together. We will celebrate each other, and, as our story shows, love will prevail.
Scott and Jake Brians
Owners of Halfback Hollar Farm
Your story has the power to create change, build connections, and bring visibility to other families like yours.